This morning was a priceless example of this quirk in my personality. First (somewhat uncharacteristically), I woke up on time for church. However, due to my past tendency to wake up with less than 5 minutes to spare, when I saw that my roommate's clock said 9:03am instead of the 8:03 I expected, I resigned myself to another morning of speedy church preparation. It wasn't until Megan woke up a few minutes later and reminded me daylight savings was last night that I realized I actually had about 45 minutes on my hands. After I had gotten ready, I was waiting in front of our neighboring dorm for my other friend to pick me up and take me to church. Since she is always on time, I knew something was wrong when I found myself waiting for more than ten minutes. I didn't have my phone since I lost it yesterday (no worries - Campus Safety found it and is holding it in the field office - I'll be able to retrieve it as soon as they open back up today or tomorrow), so I walked back to my room to double check the Facebook conversation we had yesterday. It was then I discovered I had somehow misread her very clear message saying she would be going to church early, and I realized I had missed that chance of getting there. So I left my room and tried to find another friend who usually leaves from another spot on campus for the same church, but she had already left. I began to resign myself to the idea of having missed church. However, upon the small hope the first friend had gotten my frantic Facebook message of a few minutes ago, I walked back toward my room to check for a response on my computer. I started fishing through my purse for my ID card (the only way to unlock the gates) and realized I had left it tucked into Plato, which I left on my bed not five minutes before.
After a crazy week with last minute paper submissions, multiple other INFP moments, a fair amount of emotional chaos, and the stress caused every time I remember how much homework I have left to finish before tomorrow morning, I was poised to be extremely frustrated at how my morning was going. However, as I walked in front of Stewart Residence Hall and found a spot to sit down on a wall, I realized this didn't have to be stress, and it occurred to me that God wanted me to sit on that wall and just sit. I couldn't get into my room, and I didn't have anything with me other than my Bible and the notebook I take sermon notes in. In that moment, I was free from the distractions of technology, homework, and friends because I literally could not access any of them. And I was suddenly able to breathe and be still, something I haven't done for a long time. God works in funny ways sometimes, and I could see His hand in this. He was sitting me down rather abruptly and saying, "Alea. Stop. Breathe. You've been moving too fast for too long - take an hour and a half and remember how to be still. I want to give you the goodness of stillness. Just stop, rest, and breathe of Me."
It is in these moments when it is easiest to remember how good and how gentle my God is. In that moment he touched my frantic spirit so gently and made it quiet. As I sat, my heart felt free. My lungs felt free. I felt air entering and leaving them. I could relax and rest into Him. I knew since He wanted me to pause, He would provide the time for everything else to be taken care of later, so I could just take that moment and be still. And He is so lovely. Every time I stop like that, the softest breezes touch my face. Trees rustle and whisper so delicately, their leaves moving and dancing in the most intricate, gentle patterns. I suddenly realize how funny the ducks in the wash across the way are as they splash and preen and dive for reeds in the murky water. I notice the plants next to the wash and see that some of them are papyrus plants, and remember thousands of years ago Egyptians used them to make paper. Light glints off water in the loveliest moving sparkling patterns. Some of it is reflected onto trees in languid flowing lines of light. Trees watch impressionist reflections of themselves in the rippling water. In these moments, I see the quietness of His heart. I feel Him touching my soul and romancing me in the most delicate, gentle ways and I am able to remember how personal and close He is. My chest relaxes and I am surprised by how free it feels to breathe. I had expected to spend my morning first at church and then frantically running to various voice events and trying to read Plato, but instead I spent it watching trees and ducks, and then writing a blog post in my school's empty echoing concert hall.
My conclusion? God is good. God is gentle. God is restful. And He desires to impart His rest upon His children. Next time you find yourself on the verge of intense stress and panic, take a moment. Breathe. And ask God to quiet your soul and give you rest.
Happy Sunday everyone! <3
And he said to his disciples, "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
"Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. For where your trasure is, there will your heart be also."
Luke 12:22-34
No comments:
Post a Comment